In the previous section we have learned that children and adolescents are more controlled by their emotions rather than rational and logical thinking. Emotions may explain why children and adolescents behave that way, including the self-destructive behavior. So if we want to motivate them, we should first understand the emotions that control them and use them to guide the behavior and thinking more deceptive.
Here is the third child's emotional needs:
1. The need to feel SAFE
One of the strongest needs required soerang child is feeling safe. Safe in themselves and their environment. Teenagers seek security by joining with a group of "gang" or group of their peers, engage social order among them, and imitate his behavior.
A psychologist Dr. Gary Chapman, in his "five languages of love" to say we all have a psychological love tank to be filled, more precisely if the child then the parents should fill. Children love tank is full then he would like to himself, quiet and felt safe. This can be interpreted as a happy child and had "inner" motivation.
Do we need to learn and know the love tank? It is necessary, I often recommend the teachers and parents to learn the language of love and find their son, herself and her partner. This I will discuss in the next article).
For example, motivated by the love of a mother scolding her son who was playing computer. "Stop maen computer and learn now" then what is there to mind the child? Maybe "Hmpf ... She did not love me, and want to control me and preoccupation" Well, son take it as a negative thing, communication is usually destroys the love at the root of the problems parents and children and teachers.
"Loved the child is not the same as the child feel loved"
What causes the need for security is not met?
• Comparing children with relatives or others
When we say "why can not you keep the room as your sister", "why can not you write neatly Rudi". Will grow up feeling rejected, not accepted, they will think "daddy / mommy is happier with ..." it fosters an attitude of love with himself and wanted to be someone else. They feel safe to be someone else, not to feel safe and comfortable being herself.
• Criticize and fault finding
When we say: "you little fool, what's wrong with you? Why can not you do anything right? "
Certainly, will lead to feelings of resentment, no sense of safety within the home (if this happens often at home).
• Physical violence and verbal
I think no need to explain anymore, it's been a lot of us have encountered in newspapers and on television news, and the dangers or consequences too often we encounter in the media. If there is no security in the home, then the child will seek shelter to meet their security in all the wrong places. And the kids will do anything to get this security, seeking attention in the wrong way.
2. The need for recognition (feeling important) and accepted or loved
Rarely do parents make their children feel important and recognized at home. Instead many parents who make their children feel small and insignificant with the threat: "better do your homework now, or ..."
What is in the mind of the child if treated like that? We parents would be happy if kids do the things we command, but there are those young minds are lost by doing what they're told parents that way. So many children who delayed or did not do what was assigned parents (even though the threat) to meet the emotional needs for recognition.
A stern warning to parents: If your child does not feel loved and accepted by their parents, they will be compelled to look in all the wrong places.
The desire of a child to be recognized and to be loved is so strong, that they will do anything to get it. If they do not get the recognition it the right way it will find the wrong way and the wrong place. This need has prompted some children and teens to use a tattoo, another child, joined the gang of bullies, with flashy colors dyed hair, acting like a clown and comedian. It is generally troublesome themselves, but for the sake of gaining recognition and acceptable (to get attention).
There are extreme cases on 16 April 2007, a student of the U.S. Virginia Tech, Cho Seng-hui. Shot and killed 32 students. What drives this behavior, so he did something so incredible crazy? He did just as it needs recognition and a sense of importance so great, but not fulfilled by those who ignored and insulted. It forced him out of the world of logic and claimed the lives of others as well as himself, in his mind he thinks it's better to die with the name of the living is not bad as anyone.
3. The need to control (feeling or desire for self-control)
As the growth of children, while search for identity and independence while learning to build from the parent. This process creates an emotional need to be free and independent.
So that's why kids do not want to be dictated to what to do. They are not "slang" to listen to parents. By listening to the advice of their parents as being treated like a child. This explains why the children listen to their friends and uncle or aunt (uncle or aunt) who was younger than his own parents.
Parents are smart, will not give up for this. How do I provide direction and that the child's parents want to hear? Use of communication that does not mean forcing a child to advice us. Make it as if they study and work hard for themselves and not for us. they will be more excited and motivated that way. And most importantly, our kids love the tank meets every day and make sure children are always full when I wake up wake up and before bed. That way the child knows who understand and love, and to whom he will come on when needed someone to listen, that we are his parents.
Take advantage of this information, recognize the emotional needs of our children. Be sensitive to where when children need acceptance, the need to control things, and need to be safe. Use words that are appropriate to meet those needs, the following tips and how to meet a child's basic emotional needs:
1. Sense of security:
• Quiet safe with you dear papa, mama will accompany you, hey ... papa here will keep you dear
2. Sense of acceptance or a loved one:
• Make a habit of looking into the eyes when talking to the child, make eye contact is flat or "eye love"
• Tap the shoulder while talking or any part origin polite, to show that we are together and close to the child
• Keep abreast (stand in line with the child or kneel)
• Say: whatever happens papa / mama still love you, you're still champ papa / mama, papa eyes / mama you're the most beautiful
3. The need to control:
• If possible, when you see your child needs to do something yourself then please allow
• Actually it is a learning process for himself and his future will be very useful today
• Price of the child will be higher, if we are diligent to give control to the child, because the child was able to operate without the help (of course, a safe activity at the discretion of the parent)
• Take special time to move and control, and watched with affection, ie children aged 2-3 years'm eating alone, going to school alone, and others